The Lies We Tell

Lesalina_Beholder Bathroom

I woke up with a headache. I had one too many "Mom's night out cocktails" and Henry was up all night teething. Daniel is out of town so it was all me, all night. 

"I shouldn't have gone out last night. That was stupid to let loose when I'm on night duty alone," I thought. 

LIE. I needed that night. 

I brought Henry to bed with me around 5 am and he of course slept like a little angel, snuggled up next to me his skin looking softer than usual, his face just a little chubbier than I remembered it being yesterday. 

We were supposed to be at his second day of daycare in an hour. 

"Never wake a sleeping baby" I heard a voice say in my head as I gently rubbed his tummy, trying to wake him. Then I remembered where that got me.

LIE. Thanks to that little saying, my baby was at one point sleeping more than six hours a day...and I couldn't figure out why he wasn't sleeping at night. He was supposed to get somewhere around 3.5 at that age. So, I woke the baby. 

An hour later, as I pulled away from the daycare (and by daycare I mean he's currently one of two babies at a very nice lady's home) I waited for emotion to overwhelm me since it hadn't on the first day. Wasn't I supposed to tear up as I left her house? Wasn't this supposed to be awful? What's wrong with me? Shouldn't I feel guilt? Is it because I wasn't going to a "real" job from there? Was it because it's not a "real" daycare?

LIES, LIES, LIES.  I pondered these things as I drove home and then I promptly took a nap. 

"Sleep when the baby sleeps!" they said.

LIE. I don't need 15 hours of sleep in a given 24-hours. I don't even like napping. But for once, I decided sleep was in order. 

This time, I woke up with a headache and now, a side of guilt. I should have been cleaning the house. Or purging my postpartum closet. Or getting out into the workforce! You know, doing it all.

LIES. I did exactly what I should have done. I slept. I watched 1/3 of an episode of Ina Garten and thought a lot about Julia Child (happy birthday, may you be roasting chickens in peace) and missed my mom and drank a hot cup of coffee. I ate leftover Chinese food and made plans with friends. I wrote this. 

And you know what? I'm not one bit sorry. Not for any of it. 

Henry's Nursery Reveal (Oh, and I had a baby)

It's been exactly one year to the day since I created this site. And the reason I know that, is because after being hit by a wave of inspiration to write something--anything--this morning, I logged on to find my first blog post written March 23, 2017. I had been flirting with the idea of having my own place to purge my thoughts. After that, in typical fashion, I wrote exactly one post (mostly to explore the site's backend) about some Chinese Mexican food and haven't returned. But so much more has happened since then. 

I had been married three weeks at the time. I'd just left my job as lifestyle editor at Indianapolis Monthly magazine. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant. Three months later, my mom passed away. Six months after that, I gave birth (all natural, on his due date, a super blue blood moon might I add and yes, I'm bragging a little here) to Henry James Incandela and he's the best thing ever. But yeah, 2017 was ROUGH. 

One of the things that I was able to find some joy in during that time, was decorating Henry's nursery under the guidance of our dear friend Estelle. Estelle is a French woman living in the UK, a super mom by day, and a interior designer by night. 

She created a space that we could not be more thrilled with. And, I'm pleased to say, Henry slept in his room for the first time last night, waking up all smiles - a seal of approval, if you ask me. (Also, a huge thanks to Beth over at Seersucker and Saddles for the recommendation on a sleep trainer. I don't care if it sounds bougie - last night was worth every penny.)

Anyway, Estelle explains the designs process really well, complete with before/after photos and mood boards, over on her blog, Savage Interiors. Check it out. 

If you just want a quick look at pretty pictures of a lovely room, an adorable baby, and a confused bullmastiff, scroll on. Photos are by the amazingly talented Alex Morris

Maybe I won't be back here for another year. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow. But I have to say, it feels really good to have my fingers hit the keyboard again. Even if the rest of my body is covered in spit up. 

Details on decor items over on Estelle's Savage Interiors post because free time with a seven-week-old is precious, yo. 

I'm Back (Sort Of)

Hi! Remember me? 


That's okay. 

I'm a very different person that I was back in my blogging days anyway. And, while I wouldn't dare say I'm back as a blogger, I do miss having a place to write outside of the work I do over here

So, if you're so inclined to follow along on whatever shows up on this site from time to time, I would like that. I would like that very much.